Ever hopeful.

I started this blog to help with my healthy eating challenge in 2011. That year I posted 368 times. Last year, in 2012, I posted 50 times. That might seem like almost once a week...if only that were true!  In reality, there were months that I didn't post at all.

On December 30, 2011, I posted about finally understanding why I overeat (see: Day 364 -- Reflecting), and I set out in 2012 to work through some issues. It was a journey. A bumpy, knock-me-to-my-knees, journey. Halfway through the year, I was directed to write about my life (see: "Give me this mountain!"), starting with my earliest memory and working my way forward. (I'm almost done with the Third Grade now...that's right...I'm crawling through the process.)

Along with writing my memoirs, I was prompted to seek counseling to help me through the issues. I chose a therapist who was also a performer, hoping she could understand not only my struggles with emotional eating, but also the creative blocks. On the creative side she was somewhat helpful, but on the eating side she could not relate. At all.

I switched therapists, and that was an excellent decision. My new therapist immediately had me listen to a CD series by Geneen Roth, When Food is Food & Love is Love.  For anyone struggling with emotional eating, I highly recommend listening to those.

At the end of 2011, I had lost weight in spite of my frequent problems with emotional eating, but that's just it...I still had my problems of emotional eating even while eating healthy! On Geneen's CD, she said:

"When you lose weight [through dieting], you don't lose the reasons you turned to food to begin with. You don't lose the reasons you ate. You don't lose your sadness, you don't lose your sorrow, you don't lose your suffering, you don't lose your loneliness. When you lose weight [counting calories, points, carbs, fat grams...] you are still the same person looking out at the world through eyes that don't like yourself, through disappointed eyes, through suffering eyes, through eyes that believe you're flawed in some way."

What does she recommend, if not dieting? She has some guided meditations to help deal with issues about food and love, and she recommends the following guidelines:

• Eat when you are hungry. (Truly hungry, body hungry, not head or heart hungry.)
• Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.
• Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspaper, books, intense or anxiety producing conversation and music.
• Eat only what your body wants. (Not what your eyes want or your mind thinks it should have.)
• Eat until you are satisfied. (Not stuffed, not completely full.)
• Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others. (Not sneaking.)
• Eat with enjoyment, gusto, and pleasure.

Does any of that ring a bell?  I was on the right track in 2011 when I challenged myself to eat when physically hungry and stop when full. 

In 2011, while faithfully keeping this blog, I lost 30 pounds. In 2012, I spiraled out of control while facing my demons with emotional eating, and gained 15. It's miraculous that I only gained that amount. When I used to eat sweets, I would easily gain everything back and then some. So I will take the 15 pound weight gain rather than 40.

Now it's a quarter into 2013, and I although I am still struggling, I am ever hopeful.  I only fail if I quit trying.  I will continue to heal.

And I'm ever hopeful I can be more diligent in blogging about my journey.

Do we have large waists and small minds?

My husband needed slacks so we went to a department store.  As we shopped, we bumped into a couple we know.  They were amazed at Kurt's thinness.

The guy asked Kurt, "What size waist do you wear now?"
Kurt: "38."
Guy: "Be sure to call me when you start wearing a 36."
Kurt: "Why?"
Guy: "So I can shoot myself."
ME: "Why on earth would you shoot yourself if Kurt starts wearing a 36?"
Guy: "Because then he would be smaller than I am... I wear a 38."

I had to bite my tongue at that point because I wanted so badly to point out that if his pants were a size 38, then that was his hip size, not his waist, since his pants were worn way down low, with his bulging belly hanging over the "waist" of his slacks.  

The encounter made me think about a previous post (see: The Fat Standard).  Why do we do that?  Why do we fall into comparing ourselves to others, and perhaps thinking as long as we are smaller than so-and-so, then we are okay?  I admit... I've caught myself in that mindset on occasion.

Let's celebrate the success of others, and only compare ourselves to ourselves.  How am I doing now compared to a month ago...a year ago...yesterday? 

DAY 362 -- It's closet day!

Today was the day... we cleaned out our closet and got rid of the clothes we won't wear. My husband's selection of donation items was the most dramatic since he's slimmed down so much!  There were piles of nice sweaters that hang on him now, and stacks of shrunk-out-of slacks.  He kept two of his favorite sweaters, which our daughter will tailor for him.  (She's one handy gal when it comes to sewing!)

My pile of donations was not as big as I thought it would be.  Last year at this time, if I had donated stuff that didn't fit (too tight) I would have been left with very little.  But now I can fit into all my clothes again!  Hooray!  (I did weed out a few things that I no longer wanted though.)  And I cleaned out some costume jewelry that I found in a forgotten box. (Wow... I used to wear the gaudiest earrings!)

I feel grateful and amazed.  As my husband's stack of too-large clothes kept growing taller, I thought, "All this from a man who skeptically announced he would try my plan of healthy eating for one month and if he didn't see any results he would stop."

Go figure... a healthy eating plan that didn't require counting calories, portions, carbs, fat grams... yet led to weight loss and a leaner closet.  This really works.

DAY 352 -- Christmas clothing.

At a party, December  2006

December 18, 2011

 I have a few Christmas shirts and sweaters that I like to wear during December.  Last year I could not fit into some of my favorites.  In fact, it helped motivate me to start eating healthier... thus I started My Healthy Eating Challenge.

Now here it is a year later, and I can fit into my favorite Christmas outfit!  I wore it to church today, then had my husband take a picture (shown on the right) to share with you.

DAY 290 -- My wardrobe.

Last week I only partially heard a comment from my husband, "...need new jeans."  I replied, "Yeah, you do."  And he corrected me, "No.  YOU need new jeans."

He's right.  I do.  I hoped my jeans looked okay since I was wearing a shirt to hide my hiked up pants cinched around my waist.  Apparently they still look too baggy.  (I love that I have such a problem!)  But I don't want to get new clothes until the end of the year.  


In the meantime, I remembered I had a pair of khaki-colored denim pants that I had not worn since the Spring semester of 2008 because they were too tight on me.  I pulled them out of my closet and tried them on.  Woolah! They fit! That sent me on a try-things-on spree and I found a skirt, a dress, and a suit that all fit again.  It's as though I added to my wardrobe!


Still... I look forward to getting rid of baggy clothes in December.  Any guesses what will be on my Christmas wish list?   

DAY 289 -- Weight report.

For several months I didn't weigh myself.  I was overeating, and really should have weighed, but I neglected it.  So, when I decided to set a contract type goal with stickK.com, I figured it was time to step on the scale.  Even though I had gained some weight, I was actually surprised and pleased to see the gain was minimal.  I had not weighed since July 4, yet when I weighed on Sep. 30, I had only gained 2.5 pounds.  


Now for the good news... it's been two weeks since I started my contract not to overeat, and I've already lost 4.5 pounds.  That's fantastic!  There is no doubt that eating natural foods is the way to go.  With three months of overeating I only gained 2.5 pounds, and in two weeks of paying attention to actual hunger and fulness, I lost all of that, plus an additional 2 pounds.  Amazing.  


(For those who might be new to this blog... I do not count calories, fat grams, carbs, or portions.  I am trying to let my body tell me when it's time to eat and when it's time to stop, and eat mostly natural, very little processed.)


In years past, I've tried "diets" where I restricted calories or what have you, and would lose about 20 pounds, then gain 30... in a very short amount of time.   So far with My Healthy Eating Challenge, I have struggled often with overeating, yet I've lost 27.5 pounds since January 1.


My husband has lost 53 pounds.  PLUS, he no longer needs medication for blood pressure, cholesterol, thyroid, or diabetes. 


Healthy eating, and exercise, really does promote good health.  Go figure!  ☺

DAY 189 -- Obesity Rate

This morning's newspaper (Deseret News) had a headline: "Utah's obesity rate has nearly doubled."  Apparently the state went from 12% of the population being considered obese, to 23.4%.  That number seems high, yet Utah is one of the least obese states, ranking 6th lowest in the nation (Colorado is the lowest). If they include the figures for those considered overweight, then the percentage jumps to 57.9%.  Wow.  That surprises me because I see so many people actively exercising in this state.  When we moved here from Tennessee, we were amazed at all the people out walking, running, riding bikes.  Tennessee is rated the 4th most obese state.  Strangely, though, I moved from the 4th most obese state to the 6th least obese, yet I gained around 30 pounds after moving here!  Go figure.

Thankfully, since starting My Healthy Eating Challenge, I have lost most of the weight I gained after moving to Utah.  I'm trying to do my part to bring the percentage rate down.  : )

DAY 186 -- More weight loss.

Stepping on the scale (yesterday) I was pleased to see I lost 3 pounds since the last time I weighed (a month ago), which means I lost the pound I gained the month prior, plus lost an additional two pounds.  (See the chart at the bottom of my page: At the Start.)  Since starting My Healthy Eating Challenge on January 1, I've lost a total of 25.5 pounds and my husband has lost 43 pounds (he doesn't struggle with emotional eating like I do).

Eating tasty foods, not measuring, not counting calories, fat, carbs or portions or points.  This is a way of eating I can continue the rest of my life...which I hope is a long, long time!

DAY 164 -- Weight training.

Over the years I have remained fairly consistent with aerobic exercise.  I especially love aerobic dance.  But weight training, and sometimes even toning exercises, are not very enjoyable to me.  I know they are important for good health, energy, and even for weight loss, but I fall into a pattern whenever I try to incorporate weight training into my workouts on a regular basis... I do okay for a little while, but I always reach a point where the exercising is no longer something to look forward to, and since I don't enjoy that type of workout,  I stop.

I'm hoping someone can recommend a way to make weight training or toning exercises fun or enjoyable.  Any suggestions?

DAY 153 -- I feel renewed.

Ever since my recent posts, I have felt renewed and recommitted.  The month of May was full of emotional eating, feeding my heart instead of my stomach.  I stepped on the scale this morning and learned that I gained a pound since I weighed last (May 2, a month ago).  I'm not surprised I gained, but pleased that it was only one pound.  That seems incredible.

Thankfully I feel such a burden lifted, and have been strong again in recognizing hunger and fulness yesterday and today.  I think the turmoil I was feeling about the inconsistencies mentioned in my post ("Who am I?) triggered the difficulties I had in recognizing true hunger last month.   I have high hopes for June, since I'm feeling stronger... and liberated.

Now... I have a question.  I'm wondering if the pictures I posted on my "At the Start" page are confusing since the first picture shown is actually a "before" picture representing "before" I stopped eating sugar.  The "before" picture for My Healthy Eating Challenge is shown last.  Is this confusing?  I'm wondering if I should set up a separate page for the "before and after" concerning sugar, keeping it separate from the challenge I started in January.  I'd really appreciate feedback on this, thanks!

DAY 149 -- Husband's saggy slacks.

This morning as we prepared for church, my husband exclaimed, "Look at this!"  Then he showed me how baggy his suit pants are now.   In January those slacks were tight, then he lost enough weight for them to fit just right.  Now they are suddenly way too loose.  We were both stunned.  Those slacks used to be considered his "skinny" pants since he bought the suit during a time when he had lost weight, and even had the suit tailored to fit him properly.  They've been his measurement of "if I lose weight, I can fit into my suit better."  He's lost enough weight to shrink out of his skinny slacks.  It was an exciting moment.

Later, as he was walking in front of me across an asphalt parking lot, I noticed that his pant legs were draping around his shoes.  It looked like the scene from the movie BIG, when the boy (played by Tom Hanks) walks across the street as he returns home - his adult size suit hanging on him.  That's what it reminded me of as my husband walked away.  A tall (6' 3") boy in a draping suit.

DAY 148 -- Upcoming H.S. Reunion

I keep thinking about my high school reunion rapidly approaching.  It's planned for July, and although I've known about it for about a month or maybe two, it seems like it's sneaking up on me. 


My Healthy Eating Challenge is about making healthy food choices and not focused on weight loss,  but the thought of a reunion fills me with the desire to lose lots of weight and tone up.  Yet, what do I do?  The opposite.  It seems like whenever I feel a time crunch or pressure to look my best, I start overeating.  I'm sure I need some analyzing over that, but in the meantime I just keep telling myself to get a grip, get back on track, and stop worrying about it!


Here's a cartoon I've kept for many years.  It makes me chuckle since it's quite appropriate for what I'm feeling today!

DAY 129 -- Are calories created equal?

Last Friday when we were at our favorite market looking at olive oils, my sister-in-law was stunned to see the amount of calories listed: 120 calories for 1 tablespoon.  She gasped, "Won't this make me fat?"


We tried to explain the "healthy oil" benefit, but she was still flabbergasted and asked again, "Won't this make me gain weight?"


I told her that I use olive oil every day, usually multiple times a day.  I cook with it and use it on my salads. Yet, I have lost weight even though I don't count calories.  

I used to think that a calorie was a calorie... that it didn't matter what a person ate, as long as he or she stayed within caloric range.  For instance, if a person wanted to consume 1200 calories in a day, it didn't matter if those calories came from veggies and fruit, or if those calories came from cookies and cake, all that mattered was that the calories only added up to 1200, or whatever calorie goal a person selected.


My Healthy Eating Challenge seems to defy my view of calories.  Since starting this personal challenge, it seems that calories are not created equal.  My view now is that calories consumed from processed packaged foods can add to weight gain, whereas calories consumed from fresh, wholesome, healthy foods can help promote weight loss.

DAY 122 -- Pleased with weigh-in.

This morning I stood on the scales and saw that I had lost two pounds during the month of April.  That surprised me since it was a difficult month with two funerals, and a long road trip, which wreaked havoc with my routines.  Plus, I struggled during the month with overeating...using food for comfort...eating when I wasn't hungry and not stopping when I felt full.


Two pounds lost in a month may not seem like much to "die-hard dieters," but I am pleased.  Very pleased.  I totally expected no weight loss for the month and possibly a weight gain.  In spite of the stress and spurts of overeating, I still lost weight, and I realize all over again...eating healthy and avoiding processed foods really works for me.

DAY 108 -- Drying my clothes.

My clothes used to fit just snug enough that I didn't want any shrinkage whatsoever, so most of my clothing (jeans, shirts) were hung up to dry, or placed on thick towels on the floor to dry them flat.  Now, my clothes fit loose enough that I don't mind if they shrink... in fact there are some items I wish would shrink!  :)  (Thus, I've been putting them in the dryer.)


I definitely need new jeans since I have to wear my old ones cinched around my waist with a belt, so I look forward to wearing my capris with warmer weather coming on, postponing the purchase of new jeans until this fall.

My husband needs new pants too.  He can pull them off without unzipping or unbuttoning them.  This is handy for when I do laundry... no need to zip or button them up before washing.  :)

DAY 101 -- People noticed!

While at the funeral, several family members noticed my weight loss and commented on how good I looked.   

Having such comments at my aunt's funeral (my father's sister) was significant to me because it was at my father's funeral that I was almost at my heaviest.  As my sister drove me to the airport after my father's funeral, she told me (as kindly as she could) that many family members had been shocked by my obesity and felt very concerned for my health.  They feared that mine would be the next family funeral.  

Yet, I still gained even more weight from that point.  It was almost a year after dad's death before I learned of my sugar addiction and started my road to recovery.

What a good feeling to have others notice my recent weight loss, but it's an even better feeling to know that I am doing what I need to do for good health.  I hope to live a long, long time, but if for some reason I am taken from this earth sooner than expected, at least my family will know I was doing my best to be healthy.  I am glad that at this funeral I did not cause concern that my grave would be the next.

DAY 98 -- Traveling this weekend.

I have another funeral to attend out of state, so I might not get a chance to post again until Sunday evening.  (An elderly aunt, 96, passed away.)  I have the same concerns I had on my previous funeral trip -- will there be healthy foods to select from?

My husband and I will travel with my brother and his wife.  We will stay with another brother.  This means we will be eating at restaurants or fast food places, and eating whatever food my brother planned for our stay (or going out to eat again).  Then there's the family dinner after the funeral, but I feel fairly confident I will have healthy foods to choose from at the dinner, since there will be a variety of foods served buffet style.

I have packed healthy snack foods (homemade muffins, nuts, fruit, veggie sticks) and water for while we travel.

It will be interesting to see if any family members notice my weight loss since I have not seen them since the previous funeral, which was early in January (only a week after I started My Healthy Eating Challenge).

Stay tuned for Sunday... I will give a report!  :-)

DAY 91 - Weigh in report; and a worn out grandma!

First of all, I want to report that I weighed in this morning and lost another three pounds since my last weigh in, which was a month ago.  (That makes 21.5 pounds lost since January 1.  See At the Start, for weigh-ins.) This route is definitely not a "lose quick" method, but I'm fine with that since I know my body maintains better at a slow rate.   Besides, as I explained in an earlier post, this challenge (for me) is not all about weight loss, but rather, about health.


Still, I celebrate the loss of three additional pounds, along with fitting into the dress I mentioned yesterday.

Now... for the second part of this post.  I am one worn out, yet happy, grandma.  I watched my two grandchildren today, (ages 2 1/2 and 1 year) while my daughter went shopping.  When I arose this morning, I planned on exercising, but then realized I would get plenty of exercise with the little ones here...and I was right!  Hooboy!  I climbed our stairs dozens of times.  The youngest can climb up but needs help coming down, so up and down I went with him.  We also walked to a nearby playground and played on the slides, and the swings; then walked  (pushing the youngest in a stroller and carrying the older one when she was tired) around the neighborhood before returning to play on the playground again.  Walking home and pushing the stroller was a real challenge since it was uphill.


I am grateful that I can play with the grandkids.  Thankful that I have the energy to be an active part of their lives.


*Big sigh* as I look around the room.  Now I need a burst of oomph to put everything in order again!  :)

DAY 90 -- Shrinking into my clothes!

This morning as I was changing into my exercise clothes, I happened to look in the mirror and thought I looked small enough to wear a particular dress again...a dress I haven't worn for over two years.  So, I marched into the closet, took the dress, slipped it over my head, and over my hips and fanny, and ...  IT FIT!!!  What a good feeling!  Happy dance time!

I wore it today, just because... I CAN!  :)

DAY 64 -- The three stages of my jeans.

At the beginning of the year, when I started this challenge, my jeans were very tight.  I knew if I didn't stop eating processed foods, and kept eating like a pig, I would have to buy new jeans.  Then after eating healthy for a while, the jeans fit nice again.  Now, they are too baggy and I have to wear a belt cinched around the waist.  Tight.  Fitting right.  Baggy.  That's the three stages of my jeans since January.  I decided I would postpone buying a smaller size until this fall.  After all...it's nearly spring.  If I can just keep them from falling down in the meantime while I wait for warmer weather and capris.