Time Machine...yeah right.

I saw a billboard with a picture of some exercise equipment, an all-in-one workout contraption.  The slogan began: "Time machine...."

My mind jumped to the conclusion that exercising would make you appear and/or feel younger, thus taking you back in time.  But then I continued reading: "...it can take you back to size 5."

How disappointing.  Who says 5 is the optimal size?  What does that say about all other body shapes and sizes?

Way to fuel the distorted body image problems that plague our society, advertisers.  Here's my fitness rebuttal for advertising campaigns such as that...

TAKE A HIKE!

Food Tramp

Thanks to streaming television, I got hooked on a TV drama, watching one episode after another. Eventually I tired of the main character. She slept with almost anyone, for any reason. Sad? She would sleep with someone. Angry? Sleep with someone. Hurt? Sleep with someone... It disgusted me. What a tramp! Couldn't she have a meaningful relationship? She just used men.

Then it dawned on me, her relationship with men was comparable (in some ways) to my relationship with food. Sad? I eat. Angry? I eat. Hurt? I eat.

She and I are trying to fill a void. She uses men. I use food.

So, I put a sign on my fridge: "Don't be a Food Tramp."

Since I last ate.

"I've never been swimming.  That's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate." 
~comedian Artie Lange

I feel like a chest cold is coming on.  I want to take an herbal supplement that my niece recommended to nip it in the bud, but she told me, "Do not eat or drink 30-40 minutes before AND after taking it."

Uh... that's a tough window of time to find in the life of a compulsive emotional eater.

Could someone please administer this to me while I'm sleeping?

Uncommon Restaurant

We recently went to dinner with our daughter and her husband to celebrate her birthday. She selected Communal Restaurant in Provo, where they served meals made with fresh produce from local farms, and "local and sustainable meats and cheeses." The masterfully prepared foods were a delight to the taste buds, making many pleasurable "mmm mmm mmm" moments.

We had a reservation for four and sat at our own table, but in another part of the restaurant a long table invited communal feasting where strangers socialized as they dined.

The menu changes every season as various produce becomes available. I would love to sample foods from every menu. It's amazing how fresh local foods make such a difference.

And a poor reflection on our society when serving  fresh foods makes a restaurant uncommon.

Food is my wubby.

Sometimes when I head for the fridge, I have thoughts to seek comfort elsewhere...prayer, meditation, yoga, affirmations...but I shove those thoughts aside and grab the food.  I kept wondering, why do I rebel like that? Then an image came to my mind of a child stubbornly clinging to a security blanket, unwilling to give it up.

It made me think of a scene from Mr. Mom, when Jack (Michael Keaton) wants his son to give up his beloved "wubby."  He gives a very clever and witty speech, so I posted it for Comic Relief  on my Reel Focus blog.

Food is my wubby, and I feel rebellious when my inner dialogue tells me I don't need my wubby at that moment. Oh yeah? Well, I'm not giving it up without a fight, so there!

Referring to Jack's intervention pep talk (see Comic Relief: Mr. Mom)... I wish I could toss my wubby into the fireplace like brave little Kenny, before I get strung out on bedspreads (or in my case, bread spreads).

Body Image

Wow, it's hard to get started again after a long absence from posting on here. I had good intentions, and even wrote many a blog entry--in my head--but just couldn't seem to conjure up the time needed to post. I thought giving myself permission to post "first draft" writing (see: Back to the Dailies) would help, but it didn't.

I want to change the title of this blog to reflect on more complete health, not just healthy eating. I need healthy balance in my life, including mental, physical, emotional, social, and spiritual health. Just focusing on eating seems incomplete now, although during 2011 it helped me immensely.

Weighing on my mind lately is my body image. I didn't realize how poorly I viewed myself. Really. I became more aware of this when someone (okay, fine, I admit it was my therapist) suggested I keep track of any negative thoughts for a week. Prior to that, I actually considered myself a fairly positive person. Keeping track of my negative thoughts, however, took me by surprise. Nearly all of the negative thoughts that entered my head had to do with my self-image. I was stunned. By the end of that week, I began to wonder if there was anything I did like about my physical body, and after a mental assessment I came up with a few positive things, but even those were accompanied with disclaimers.

• I like my hair. But I wish I was better at styling it.
• I like my eyes.  
• I like my fingernails. But I need to take better care of my cuticles...and polish my nails.

Most everything else, I was not happy with.

So...I can find positive things to say about almost anything or anyone...but not about myself. I knew I had a few hang-ups about my body, but I truly did not realize just how negative I was about it. I'm trying to be kinder and more accepting of myself, but it's hard.

Last fall I spent three days as a "background talent" for an amusement park commercial. I could ride zipping roller coasters, but what really took an act of bravery on my part was donning a swim suit for the water park scene. Me? Be seen by cast and crew in my bathing suit? The thought was horrifying! And the thought of possibly being seen on TV in that state of dress sent cold chills throughout my body.

After much fear and trembling, I decided to face it head on. I took my swim suit and a pair of shorts to wear over it. When "wardrobe" came around, she must have sensed my uncomfortableness, and told me I could wear a pair of capris and a shirt. She did not want me to feel uncomfortable. But I told her I wanted to accept myself the way I am. So she suggested, "How about wearing your swim suit with a pair of capris?" I agreed.

That was struggle enough for one day, I think. I tried not to worry about my "lunch lady" arms. I tried not to compare my body to others. Not saying I was always successful, but I felt like it was a big step in self-acceptance. Yes, it used to be in better shape when I was young. Yes, my sugar addiction, although in recovery now, caused obesity which stretched out my skin. Yes, I'm fighting the ill effects of previous years of bad health habits. But I can't change those things. All I can do is move forward and do the best I can do with what I have now.

So somewhere in a commercial that will air this spring, I am wearing my swimsuit and capris and stepping out there into self-acceptance.

I might need a tranquilizer when it airs.

Quirky eating habits.

My dad used to recite a little rhyme:

I eat my peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny, 
But it keeps them on my knife!

I've been thinking about quirky eating habits.  Here's some of mine (and I'll probably think of more later).

I polish my grapes.  I eat one at a time, after rubbing it on a paper towel or napkin.

When eating yogurt or applesauce, I insist on using a plastic spoon.

I like cold-cold-cold milk, so even if my husband gets the milk out, pours a glass, and then sets the carton on the counter, I put it back in the fridge for a while before I get some for myself.

We're all strange little ducks...so fess up...what are your quirky eating habits?

Simple pleasures in eating.

"Learning the simple things that please us make for an artful life." ~Julia Cameron

I used this quote on my other blog (Reel Focus) and then considered how it applies to healthy eating.  When I eat mindfully, I find bursts of flavor in simple foods.

1. Crisp, juicy cherries
2. Succulent celery
3. Fresh raspberries
4. Sweet ripe watermelon
5. Fresh peas in the pod
6. Steamed broccoli
7. Steamed, crisp, asparagus
8. Garden tomatoes
9. Crunchy jicama, bursting with juice
10. Plain yogurt with chunks of fresh pineapple and walnut pieces

What simple foods please you?

A down side to eating healthy.

There is a down side to eating healthy... I miss the "one stop" shopping.  I used to go to a large supermarket for most of my groceries and household items.

Now I go to Utah Natural Meat for meat and eggs; Sunflower Market for produce, vitamins and herbal supplements; Tony Caputos has the best olive oil, vinegars, and cheese; plus we joined Costco for some of their organic produce and organic canned goods.  Then to top it off, I still need to make a trip to yet a different store for most of our non-grocery items.

It takes some creative maneuvering and planning to make sure I don't waste gas by running hither and yon in my errands.

Healthy bundle of joy.

Our newest grandbaby arrived into the world Tuesday morning, April 3.  She seems perfect in every way, and I marvel at the miracle...not only the miracle of life, but the miracle of how so many babies can arrive in such perfect condition when so very many things can (and do) go wrong.  What a blessing to have a healthy little bundle added to our family.

I'd write more, but I need to go kiss some soft little newborn cheeks, and play with her brother and sister.

Muumuus.

Yesterday the grandkids were visiting and our grandson got into a little mischief that resulted in him being bathed while his clothes were tossed in the washer.  After his bath we realized he needed a change of clothes to wear while waiting for his to wash and dry.

I went to our storage room and dug through a few old clothes that my kids used to wear when they were little.  I kept a few of their items (well, too many actually) that seemed special. Matching Hawaiian outfits were among them.  When my husband served aboard the USS Henry M. Jackson (submarine), they pulled into Hawaii for a brief stop, and he brought home matching outfits for me and the kids... shorts and shirt for our son, and muumuus for our daughter and me.

As the grandkids ran around in the vintage Hawaiian attire, I reflected on muumuus. Remember when larger women often had to resort to wearing muumuus?   That was back in the day when plus size women had very limited choices in clothing.  I'm so thankful that designers nowadays create attractive clothing for larger women.  I haven't worn plus sizes for years, but still, I'm grateful that those who need them have attractive selections, and don't need to wear a muumuu unless they are decked out for a luau... or have nothing else to wear because their clothes are washing.

Kummerspeck: grief bacon.

According to the Reader's Digest, I have kummerspeck.  It's the German word for "excess weight gained from emotional overeating.  Literally, grief bacon."

Someone who attends funerals just for the food is a pesamenteiro (Portuguese).  Well, at least I'm not one of those... yet.

As for my grief bacon, I will try to do better by zeg.  (Georgian: "the day after tomorrow.")


Reader's Digest, April 2012, p. 83

"Extra" food.

I'm not talking extra helpings, I'm talking about the food served while working as an "Extra" last week, for an ABC family movie titled "The Mistle-Tones." (With Tia Mowry, and Tori Spelling.)

Our meals were catered and we were given large portions of cooked vegetables, as well as salad.  We also had some pasta one day, and rice another day, with a small amount of meat each time.

As I reflected on this, I realized it's an economical way to feed a crowd: lots of veggies to fill up on, a portion of grain/starch, and a small amount of meat.  (Basically the way I eat at home!)  They didn't serve us "cheap" burgers from a fast food dollar menu.  Seems to debunk the theory of those who claim it's cheaper to feed their family junk.

"Cage-free" eggs.

We like to buy our eggs from a local farm, where the chickens have free run of a field and a nice big (red) chicken coop.  They can come and go from the coop as often as their little chicken hearts desire.  Their eggs are pricey, but oh so wonderful.  We can tell the difference in taste, texture, and color of the egg yolks from the farm compared to typical eggs in the grocery store.

The disadvantage to buying eggs from the local farm is the lack of convenience.  The "store" where they sell their eggs, milk, and meat, has limited hours.  We recently ran out of eggs, but could not get to the farm during their "open" hours, so we settled for cage-free eggs from the market.  The term "cage-free" can be misleading.  The chickens might not be kept in so-called "cages" but might still have very crowded, small areas, to live (exist) in, with cement under them rather than dirt or even grass.




Still, in a pinch, we reach for the cage-free eggs and hope for the best.  In the meantime, I calendared an outing this week to the farm where I can see with my own eyes the chickens roaming the field and celebrating their chickenhood.

Do we have large waists and small minds?

My husband needed slacks so we went to a department store.  As we shopped, we bumped into a couple we know.  They were amazed at Kurt's thinness.

The guy asked Kurt, "What size waist do you wear now?"
Kurt: "38."
Guy: "Be sure to call me when you start wearing a 36."
Kurt: "Why?"
Guy: "So I can shoot myself."
ME: "Why on earth would you shoot yourself if Kurt starts wearing a 36?"
Guy: "Because then he would be smaller than I am... I wear a 38."

I had to bite my tongue at that point because I wanted so badly to point out that if his pants were a size 38, then that was his hip size, not his waist, since his pants were worn way down low, with his bulging belly hanging over the "waist" of his slacks.  

The encounter made me think about a previous post (see: The Fat Standard).  Why do we do that?  Why do we fall into comparing ourselves to others, and perhaps thinking as long as we are smaller than so-and-so, then we are okay?  I admit... I've caught myself in that mindset on occasion.

Let's celebrate the success of others, and only compare ourselves to ourselves.  How am I doing now compared to a month ago...a year ago...yesterday? 

I'm back!

After nearly 2 weeks of not posting, I'm finally back.  Did you read all the posts I wrote in my head during that time?  No?  :)  

I needed a little break after posting nearly daily for a year, and although I hope to post regularly, I don't plan on daily entries.

So what's on my mind today?  Whippersnapper trash.  Yep.  Whippersnapper trash.  We live in a condo complex, and I noticed there seems to be a trend, lately, of overflowing trash in the two cans provided for our building.  When we first moved in, there didn't seem to be as much trash as is generated now, in fact sometimes one of the cans would be nearly empty when trash day rolled around.

I pointed this out to my husband and wondered why the cans seem overly full now, and we decided it's the whippersnappers in the building that eat junk food.  It creates more waste (and waist, I might add).

That was one of the things I noticed early last year when we started eating healthier... we didn't need to empty our kitchen trash as often.

Hmmm... maybe it's not just whippersnappers that generate trash, since plenty of adults eat junk food too... maybe I need to call it Junk Eater's Junk.

DAY 364 -- Reflecting

As the end of the year approaches, I find myself reflecting on this blog and the things I learned with My Healthy Eating Challenge.  When I started the challenge, I was in the mindset that I needed to eat healthier with more natural foods and less packaged, processed foods.  I am convinced that eating like this is the way for me to go, and I plan to continue. However, during the year I came face to face with the realization that overeating is a huge problem for me.  Eating healthy foods is only a small part of my battle; overeating is a major Goliath in my life.

Throughout the year as I struggled with overeating, I sought answers through prayer.  Help and strength came as often as I called out, but answers as to why I overeat came slower and piece by piece until finally a few weeks ago as I brushed my teeth, contemplating, the revelation filled my soul; and I stood there, looking at myself in the mirror, recognizing the truthful knowledge as both exhilaratingly freeing, yet painfully illuminating.

I wish I could report that knowledge was power and that receiving my answer released me from the jaws of food addiction.  Aha!  I know why you are here, dragon, and now you have no power.  Be gone!  But no. The answer opened a path that I must follow and I know it will not be easy.  In fact, it's been an even harder struggle lately to eat within the confines of hunger and fulness.

My apologies that this sounds vague, but what I am experiencing right now is deeply personal and I don't feel ready to share, as of yet.  But I will tell you that it will be a journey of self-discovery...finding out who I really am...what my core personality really is (before life events changed me).  It will be a journey to build my self-worth and to learn to like, or rather, love myself.

So it is, that I stand at the beginning of another year and another journey, and I wonder what to do with this blog.  Here are some ideas I've entertained...

• continue this blog (focusing in healthy eating)
• continue this blog, but with the focus on overeating
• change the direction of this blog to be about different aspects of personal health... healthy eating, healthy attitudes, healthy habits...
• end the blog with the end of the year
• (I considered starting a blog to chronicle my journey in building self-worth, but it feels too personal...yet, I can't help but wonder if it might help others struggling with similar issues.)

I would greatly appreciate input from readers! I will continue blogging in some form or another, but whatever direction I take, it will not be with daily posts since I hope to spend some more time with another blog of mine: Reel Focus.  It's been sorely neglected.

In the meantime, I have a fun post ready for tomorrow to end my count of 365 days, and then I will start a new year and possibly a new direction.  I hope you will give feedback, and stay tuned!

(I recently learned that some readers have had problems trying to comment, for some glitch in blogger or something.  You can contact me through email: sugarholicinrecovery@gmail.com)

DAY 362 -- It's closet day!

Today was the day... we cleaned out our closet and got rid of the clothes we won't wear. My husband's selection of donation items was the most dramatic since he's slimmed down so much!  There were piles of nice sweaters that hang on him now, and stacks of shrunk-out-of slacks.  He kept two of his favorite sweaters, which our daughter will tailor for him.  (She's one handy gal when it comes to sewing!)

My pile of donations was not as big as I thought it would be.  Last year at this time, if I had donated stuff that didn't fit (too tight) I would have been left with very little.  But now I can fit into all my clothes again!  Hooray!  (I did weed out a few things that I no longer wanted though.)  And I cleaned out some costume jewelry that I found in a forgotten box. (Wow... I used to wear the gaudiest earrings!)

I feel grateful and amazed.  As my husband's stack of too-large clothes kept growing taller, I thought, "All this from a man who skeptically announced he would try my plan of healthy eating for one month and if he didn't see any results he would stop."

Go figure... a healthy eating plan that didn't require counting calories, portions, carbs, fat grams... yet led to weight loss and a leaner closet.  This really works.

DAY 346 -- "We need to stop meeting this way."

We traveled to Idaho to attend a funeral for an 86 year old aunt.  This is the third aunt I've lost this year, and the fourth family funeral.  It's wonderful to see family but...we need to stop meeting like this!  

I wish I could report that I ate healthy, and paid attention to when I was full.  But no... I succumbed to the delicious homemade rolls.  And the funeral potatoes seemed extra tasty. And I couldn't stop at the fried chicken drumstick, I had to sample the ham too.  And another homemade roll.  

You get the picture.

Gee... I can't imagine why I feel so tired and bloated...(read dripping with sarcasm).

DAY 345 -- A smarter way?

Lately I've seen ads for a special make-your-own soda contraption.  Yesterday I was in a kitchen-gadget store to purchase a new can opener and they were offering samples of homemade soda (which I declined).  Then this morning I noticed yet another ad for the item.  It made me wonder what the attraction is... does it taste better than store bought or something?  So I took a closer look at the ad, which touted, "A smarter way to enjoy soda."

"No lugging" (with a picture of someone stooped over several large soda bottles) [yet the contraption weighs nearly 7 pounds]
"No storage" (bottles of soda lined up) [no mention of storing the bottles of flavoring - over 50 offered]
"No empties" (empty bottles in a trash can)  [hmmm... this appeals to me]

"No empties to recycle or throw away."  It made me think:  couldn't we say that about most meals made from scratch?  When we eat more fresh natural foods, and consume less packaged, processed junk, it really cuts down on the amount of trash.

I don't know if "turning water into soda in seconds" is "a smarter way to enjoy soda," but I do know it is not a smart (or healthy) way to enjoy water.  Nevertheless, I'm all for the idea of less trash.