Wednesday, March 23, 2011

DAY 82 -- Reflecting on regrets.

(Earlier today I added a note to yesterday's post and then kept thinking I had already posted for today!)

I've been reflecting on the difference in my life the last 9 1/2 years of recovery (from sugar addiction).  The difference between night and day, I am a different person than I was back then.  I rejoice in the change and feel very times I feel a sadness that it took me 45 years before I actually started to live!  I look back and think about how I could have been a better mother if I had not been in a sugar stupor.  My kids grew up with a mother that was tired, sick, and depressed most of the time.  A mother that was morbidly obese and wouldn't let anyone take a picture of her.  I wish I could have raised them without the addiction ruling my life.

And sometimes I'm sad for such a big chunk of my life being gone before I woke up.  Since going off sugar I have lived a full life, accomplished many goals (including graduating from college with a bachelor degree) and I am so much happier and productive.  But I'm also at the age where things are starting to slow down and I don't have as many years to reach super long term goals.

I wish I could help others -- especially young adults -- recognize sugar addiction, and have the courage to change so they could be their best selves now and not have to wait for so many years and have so many regrets.  I wish I could give others hope!

It's interesting that in reading some of my old journals, I actually wrote numerous times that I was addicted to sugar, but I never did anything about it!  I guess I just never made the connection that as a sugar addict, I needed to treat myself like an addict or alcoholic and STOP!  I am grateful that when I was finally able to face the sobering truth about my addiction, that the Lord granted me the strength to deal with it.  With His help, I can do hard things.   

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