Going up or down?

When it comes to reaching goals, or making progress, I remind myself:  It doesn't matter where you are on the ladder, it only matters which direction you are going.

Well, I've been going down for several months.  I'm really struggling.  I'm still avoiding sugar and sweets, but I'm still overeating (big time), and processed foods have crept back into my life.  At first it was a little here and there, but recently I took an inventory of what I was eating and realized I was consuming far more processed foods than I thought!

As I've contemplated the stumbling blocks, I've identified several things that aided my downfall.  Hmmm... interesting that most of them started last fall.  Fall.  Downfall.

My husband (starting last October) gets home later than he used to.  He started riding his bicycle and taking public transportation, which is a healthy thing to do, but for our eating habits, it wreaks havoc.  Four nights out of the week he is not here when it's "supper time."  I get busy and don't like to stop what I'm doing to fix a meal when it's just me here to eat, so I grab something quick when I'm hungry and then go back to what I was doing.  Sometimes it's hard to figure out what to fix that he can still enjoy later (either when he gets home, or in his lunch the next day).  

Raw cacao fail!  Raw unsweetened cacao, if I understand right, is unprocessed cacao beans.  When it's processed and refined, it's then cocoa.  I've read different reports, so I don't know for sure, all I know is that we had read how having a small amount of raw (unsweetened) cacao was great for energy and brain food.  We decided to give it a try.  Every morning, for a couple months, I mixed some raw cacao into my almond milk.  Over a period of time I realized I was suffering major depression!!  It was similar to the type of depression I had when I used to consume sugar.  I couldn't figure it out.  There seemed to be no reason for such ongoing deep blue funks.  

So I prayed about it and the thought came to my mind, it's the cacao.  HUH?  I didn't think cacao was bad for you...it's raw and unsweetened!  Wondering if I missed something, I did some more research...especially searching for information from sources that were not promoting the product.  (Of good report, like I wrote in this post: "Think on these things.") I was stunned by the side affects it can cause, and depression was a major one.  I stopped using cacao and the depression lifted. Hooray! But, those months of depression added to my overeating problem...eating to feel better, which of course never works.

[Just for information, perhaps too much information...constipation was another cacao side effect.  I didn't suffer from that, but my husband did.  I asked him when the trouble started and he told me, "Sometime in October." Hmm... just as I suspected since that's when we started with the cacao.  I told him what I had read about cacao. He stopped taking it (mid-January by that point)... and this is going to be gross... but it had caused such a blockage that he had to do a cleanse and when it came out, it was like a dark cacao dam turned loose, as though a couple months worth of cacao had sat undigested in his intestines, clogging things up.  He was greatly relieved (pun intended) to get that out of his system.]

Facing my demons.  Ever since learning the source of my overeating, I've been on a downward spiral.  I wrote about that in December (see Day 364 - Reflecting) and it continues to be a problem.  It's hard to battle the demons, and easy to stuff my feelings. 

And so it is that I find myself heading down the ladder instead of up.  But I recognize the direction I'm going and I want to stop the descent.  I want to climb again.

It feels good to type this.  I realize it would help me if I post regularly, even if it's not every day.  I know I can get encouragement and support from you.

And as I learned from Susan (a reader and fellow blogger) I shout, "NEW DAY!"