DAY 120 -- Extra exercise. Whew.

This morning I did a little bit of aerobics and then some muscle toning.  My legs felt like noodles afterwards....Then the grandchildren arrived.  (Ages 2 1/2 years and 15 months.)  Oh. my. goodness.  We played with them for about 4 hours.  The youngest one loves to climb up the stairs but has not got the hang of coming down on his own so grandma went up and down the stairs with him.  Up and down.  Up and down.  Up and down.  The older one likes to pretend she is Buzz Lightyear and "shoots" grandma with a "laser" from her forearm.  I have to fall down and pretend to be dazed.  Over. And Over.  


After they left, my husband and I felt like collapsing.  But no.  We still had errands to run. HA!  What a term...errands to 'run'....we could hardly walk!   :)

I certainly got extra exercise today!  Now if I can somehow get up the stairs one more time, I will go to bed.  Up the stairs. just. one. more. time. ...  

DAY 119 -- Feeling good.

It feels good to feel good.

After the past couple weeks of shock, grief, company, lack of exercise, eating schedules out of whack, and not always having healthy foods to choose from, I felt miserable.

The past few days I was back on track with exercise and eating healthy (and even not overeating when I wanted comfort), so I guess I expected to snap back into my chipper self.  Not so.

This morning I had a long talk with God about it.  I wanted to know why I wasn't feeling more joyful like I was "before."  The following is kind of, sort of, like the conversation I had with Him.

Me: Why don't I feel joy lately?
God:  Give yourself a break.  You're grieving!
Me: Yeah, but besides that... I'm eating healthy and exercising, but I just don't feel very spunky.
God:  Sometimes you need to look for the joy in the journey.
Me:  Look for it?
God: Yes.  Try to find the joyful things about your everyday tasks.
Me:  Like doing laundry today?
God:  Right.
Me:  What's joyful about that?
God:  You tell me.
Me:  Well... we will have clean clothes.  I have a washing machine.  I don't have to beat our clothes against a rock.  I get extra exercise by going up and down the stairs with the laundry.
God:  Right.  You can find joy in all things, if you look.
Me:  I get it.  Thanks!
God:  Wait a minute, I'm not done.
Me:  Sorry.
God:  It is harder to find joy when you don't dress the part.
Me:  Huh?
God:  Look how you are dressed.
Me:  (looking at my "grubbies" and reflecting on my shaggy hair and lack of make-up)  So?  I'm not going anywhere.
God:  You will also find more joy if you dress the part.  Dress as though you deserve to look nice.  Dress as though company might stop by.  You are my child, dress as though you have respect for yourself.
Me:  I don't have a fancy wardrobe.
God:  You do not need one.  You do not need to be prideful about your appearance, but you do need to be respectful and wear clean clothes in good repair when you are blessed to have them.  Change into something that helps you feel fresh, something you would feel comfortable wearing if someone came to the door.  Go do that now, and then come back and tell me how you feel.

I changed my shirt, put on a pair of earrings and even a necklace.  I put on make up, lipstick, and curled my hair.  I put on shoes, rather than my slippers.

I returned to God in prayer.

Me:  You are right!  I really do feel better!
God:  (I think I felt Him smile)
Me:  Thank you!
God:  You are welcome... any time.

My day has gone smoother and I have managed to find joyful moments again.  No unexpected company arrived, but I have felt His presence.

It feels good to feel good... and feels especially good to feel God.

DAY 118 -- Chewing on a thought.

I watched and episode of "Addicted to Food" (Oprah Winfrey Network) last week and have chewed on a thought ever since.  As they worked with the patients, the therapist indicated that eating behaviors were evidence of their inner child acting out.  For instance, a bulimic woman refusing to eat (and crying because the staff wanted her to eat her measured portions) and a compulsive overeater crying because she thought the food tasted bland and the portions were too small.  The way the patients were portrayed in the show, their behavior really did come across as childish as they pouted and threw tantrums over food.


The therapist told them that healthy food choices are made by the adult inside, whereas the inner child is the one that demands more and more food (especially sweets) or even refuses to eat.  


Ever since watching that episode I've wondered about my own eating.  Is my desire to overeat stemming from my "inner child?"  Is it true that only the adult inside can make the healthy decisions?


Yesterday I had my feelings hurt, and I wanted to run to food for comfort, but I thought about the adult decision to eat healthy and the urge left me.  Hmmmm.  Interesting.


I would love to know what others think of this inner child vs. inner adult regarding food choices.