It feels good to feel good.
After the past couple weeks of shock, grief, company, lack of exercise, eating schedules out of whack, and not always having healthy foods to choose from, I felt miserable.
The past few days I was back on track with exercise and eating healthy (and even not overeating when I wanted comfort), so I guess I expected to snap back into my chipper self. Not so.
This morning I had a long talk with God about it. I wanted to know why I wasn't feeling more joyful like I was "before." The following is kind of, sort of, like the conversation I had with Him.
Me: Why don't I feel joy lately?
God: Give yourself a break. You're grieving!
Me: Yeah, but besides that... I'm eating healthy and exercising, but I just don't feel very spunky.
God: Sometimes you need to look for the joy in the journey.
Me: Look for it?
God: Yes. Try to find the joyful things about your everyday tasks.
Me: Like doing laundry today?
Me: What's joyful about that?
God: You tell me.
Me: Well... we will have clean clothes. I have a washing machine. I don't have to beat our clothes against a rock. I get extra exercise by going up and down the stairs with the laundry.
God: Right. You can find joy in all things, if you look.
Me: I get it. Thanks!
God: Wait a minute, I'm not done.
God: It is harder to find joy when you don't dress the part.
God: Look how you are dressed.
Me: (looking at my "grubbies" and reflecting on my shaggy hair and lack of make-up) So? I'm not going anywhere.
God: You will also find more joy if you dress the part. Dress as though you deserve to look nice. Dress as though company might stop by. You are my child, dress as though you have respect for yourself.
Me: I don't have a fancy wardrobe.
God: You do not need one. You do not need to be prideful about your appearance, but you do need to be respectful and wear clean clothes in good repair when you are blessed to have them. Change into something that helps you feel fresh, something you would feel comfortable wearing if someone came to the door. Go do that now, and then come back and tell me how you feel.
I changed my shirt, put on a pair of earrings and even a necklace. I put on make up, lipstick, and curled my hair. I put on shoes, rather than my slippers.
I returned to God in prayer.
Me: You are right! I really do feel better!
God: (I think I felt Him smile)
Me: Thank you!
God: You are welcome... any time.
My day has gone smoother and I have managed to find joyful moments again. No unexpected company arrived, but I have felt His presence.
It feels good to feel good... and feels especially good to feel God.